Dads Can Support New Moms
After a baby’s birth - and often throughout a child’s early years - dads may feel it's best to lay low and let the new mom take the lead with the myriad of details that go into the baby’s care.
But the “lay low” approach is doomed to backfire!
Rather than helping keep a new mom happy, laying low will most likely make her, or any woman, irritable. The irritability then leads to criticizing and nagging. Tensions flare, and sex becomes a distant memory. The worst thing for a new mom is to feel like she’s in it alone or has to do all of the thinking.
It’s not enough for the new dad to always be willing to help out. Mom's and women want to feel their men lead. When a man leads and is decisive, the mom can let her guard down and just relax into his direction.
Dads need to step up and provide leadership in the relationship by:
Taking initiatives around the house and in the family rather than simply letting her be “the boss”
Thinking through situations and what will be needed, rather than waiting for direction from her.
Being decisive rather than abdicating decisions to her or saying you have no preference
Having a clear opinion, and voicing it instead of remaining opinion-neutral to avoid conflict
Being upfront about your own needs rather than asking for permission, for example, to go to the gym.
When a woman feels like she has to make the decisions, take the initiatives and give her man permission, she can’t let go and relax into the relationship because she does not feel secure in the presence of a conscious, grounded man. This is all the more so for moms of young children, who face draining responsibilities.
But by shifting away from “laying low,” new dads can help a woman relax. And when she relaxes, she’ll trust you more, she’ll be able to get some much-needed rest, and the atmosphere in the house will be much more loving. And maybe, just maybe, it might open the door to a return to bedroom fun.
GS Youngblood, author of The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman, is a coach who helps men in relationships learn to live, love and lead from their Masculine core. He specializes in “nice guys” who want to find their personal power. His teachings combine deep embodiment work with the framework of the Masculine blueprint from the book. His work is based on 12 years as a student and creator in men’s work and authentic relating.